


I'm Sorry

by acercrea



Series: The Long Way Home [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Borussia Dortmund, Durmeus, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3590859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acercrea/pseuds/acercrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco has been in love with Erik for years, but thinks his affection will never be returned. What if he is wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This was a request from someone on AO3, and when I read the request this story kind of sprung into my mind fully formed, which is why it is being posted out of order. Pro tip, if you are specific with your request and it paints an immediate picture in my head, you might get your story sooner if I get blocked writing other stuff.  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything associated with anything you recognize. This is just for fun.

I tried to keep my distance in the beginning, mainly because I thought my feelings would not be reciprocated. If only I knew how wrong I was about that notion. I was right that he was going to break my heart. I just wish I could have had some idea how completely he was going to shatter me.

Our first kiss was a drunken dare the night after a National Team match. “Erik, truth or dare?” Mario slurred.

“Um,” Erik giggled, completely drunk. He always giggled when he had had too much to drink. It was kind of cute. “Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Marco,” Mario replied.

“Done,” Erik shrugged, starting to move across the circle.

“You didn’t let me finish. Kiss Marco with tongue and for at least ten seconds,” Mario said with the twinkle in his eye that when we had been a couple had meant the world to me. It was the twinkle reserved for a private joke, or when he wanted to tell me that he loved me, but someone was around who didn’t know our secret. It was the twinkle that since our break-up I had come to associate with him punishing me. I used to love that twinkle.

“Um, ok,” Erik agreed reluctantly as I moved to meet him in the middle.

This had nothing to do with poor Erik. Mario was trying to get back at me for making him chose between me and Ann-Kathrin once and for all. Before we were a couple Mario used to tease me about my crush on Erik, and when we were dating Mario used it as ammunition in every fight we had. And now he was using my Erik crush one last time. I wanted to kiss Erik more than anything, but I didn’t want it to happen like this.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” I told Erik softly.

“Shut up Marco, that is not up to you. I gave Erik the option of truth or dare and he chose dare. Now he has to kiss you,” Mario called taking another swig of Jäger straight from the bottle.

“No it is fine, let’s do this,” Erik agreed apprehensively.

“Do you trust me?” I whispered as I leaned in.

“Yes,” Erik answered softly.

“Then just close your eyes and follow my lead. It will be over quick,” I promised quietly.

I took a deep breath as his eyelids fluttered down over the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen and I nervously licked my lips as I gently placed my right hand on his cheek and pressed my lips to his softly. I let my lips linger gently for a second, willing myself to not feel anything and failing. I felt Erik’s tension and confusion along with my heart soaring. I was finally kissing the man I had been in love with for years who didn’t love me back; it was amazing and it was torture all at the same time. I was about to pull away and call it off because it was too overwhelming when I noticed Erik’s shoulders relaxing and his confusion was suddenly replaced with certainty as his hand was suddenly on the back of my head holding me in place as his mouth opened and his tongue was suddenly warring with my own.

His passion fed my own and suddenly we were a tangle of limbs and lips, tongue and teeth, I had no idea where I ended and he began until I heard Mats say, “Nine and ten. Time’s up.”

I pulled away slowly, my eyes locked with Erik’s. Now that the passion was gone I saw the confusion setting back in and it was too much for me. I was hopelessly, painfully in love with this man and I felt tears’ welling up in my eyes as I thought this was our first and last kiss. “I’m sorry,” I stuttered as I clumsily backed away and stumbled out of the room and retreated to the hallway of the hotel.

“You’re a dick, Mario,” I heard Sven say before the door shut behind me.

I managed to keep the tears from spilling over until I reached the door of my room, but my vision was so cloudy with them that I couldn’t see well enough to put my keycard in the door. I felt my frustration rising as I furiously wiped at my eyes to try to clear them which only made the tears fall faster.

I was 3 seconds away from giving up and finding a stairwell to cry in when I felt a hand softly touch my shoulder and a gentle voice say, “Let me do it.”

I handed the card to Sven automatically and he got the door open and led me to the bed. I didn’t have to explain anything to Sven, he had seen everything as it happened. People underestimated the quiet twin, but he always saw more than he let on. The night Mario told me he was picking Ann-Kathrin over me and moving to Munich, Sven was the one who found me crying outside the practice pitch and drove me home. As I sat staring at the cup of tea he had made me I asked him, “Do you think I am an idiot for making him choose?”

“No. I think you are an idiot for wasting your time with Mario when you are in love with Erik,” he had shrugged.

“Erik doesn’t feel the same way about me, so why would I waste my time?” I responded.

“No, Erik is trying not to feel the same way. There is a difference,” Sven countered.

“What does that mean?” I had asked petulantly.

“It means that Erik is not as indifferent to you as he would like to be. He thinks it is easier this way. That it is right. I think that makes you both idiots. Drink your tea, then get some rest. I will pick you up tomorrow for practice,” Sven promised, getting up from the table.

“Wait, did he tell you that?” I inquired.

“If he had told me I would not betray his trust by telling you. But people rarely tell me things I haven’t already pieced together from observation. Drink your tea,” Sven had called, as he left the room. I took a sip as I heard the door shut behind my friend, more because it had been the only distraction from my thoughts than because I had actually been thirsty.

“Am I an even bigger idiot than I thought?” I whispered through my tears to the Sven currently in my hotel room, after he had taken my shoes off and tucked me under the blankets.

“Why do you always insist on calling yourself an idiot?” he asked rhetorically, causing me to laugh a little in spite of myself. “I think that Erik kissed you back, and it certainly looked real. Maybe you are smarter than you think. Get some-”

Sven was cut off by someone knocking on the door to the room. I felt his weight leave the edge of my bed as he got up to answer it.

“Is he in there?” I heard Erik ask tentatively.

“I am not sure if it is a good idea if you see him right now. You have been drinking, he is upset, I am not sure now is the right time,” the blonde spoke.

“Sven, it is ok. Let him in,” I croaked from the bed, hastily wiping the tears from my eyes, my hopes rising in spite of myself as I sat up.

The brunette entered the room, followed closely by Sven. “I was hoping for a more private moment,” Erik remarked, turning to look at the man shadowing him.

“That is up to Marco,” Sven replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Thank you Sven, but if he has something he wants to say I want to hear it. I’ll be fine,” I assured Sven who reluctantly left the room without saying anything else.

“Is he always that clingy?” Erik joked.

“You know Sven, he is the team mom. He wants us all to be happy so we can focus and play our best. He means well,” I replied, suddenly feeling very protective of the midfielder.

“And what does Sven think I am going to do that will compromise that?” Erik asked, looking at me in such a way that I was convinced I could feel his eyes gently caressing my skin.

“Break my heart,” I responded simply, meeting and holding his gaze.

“Then Sven and I have the same fear,” he sighed, turning his head to the side and breaking eye contact.

“Yes, but unlike Sven you have a direct say in the matter. Do you want to break my heart?” I asked Erik, angling my head in an attempt to meet his gaze again, already missing the feeling of warmth his gaze provided.

“No, but I don’t know if I can give you what you want. I have never felt what I just felt in that kiss, and I constantly try to convince myself that I feel nothing for you but I can’t. It is wrong, but it feels right. So how can it be wrong?” Erik asked me, meeting my gaze again with tears welling in his eyes.

“What makes you say it is wrong?” I questioned, wiping away his tears with my thumb and letting my hand linger on his cheek when he leaned into it and closed his eyes.

“My entire life I have let my faith lead me. Anytime I have had a question I couldn’t answer, I have found the answer in the bible, or through prayer. And the bible is very clear about what I feel for you being wrong. So I have tried to ignore it, I have tried to push it down and not feel it, I have tried to make myself feel it for women, but I can’t and that terrifies me. I don’t know who I am without my faith, but I can’t fathom why God would make me feel something that is wrong but I can’t change. I am worried that if this is a test of my faith I am going to fail that test because I can’t stop feeling this way and I am going to give in to that temptation. But I am becoming increasingly convinced that if it is a test, I don’t care if I pass as long as I have you,” he finished, opening his eyes.

Before I even had time to fully process what he had said, he leaned forward and was hungrily pressing his lips to mine. My heart was thudding in my chest as his tongue slipped into my mouth and started to battle with my own. Our hands were everywhere, running through each other’s hair, brushing collarbones, under shirts and across stomachs, chests, and backs. By the time his hands went to the button on my fly we were both shirtless and he was kissing my neck in a way that was making me forget my own name and I was unsure if I wanted to remember.

With every ounce of strength I possessed I placed my hands on his to still them. The lust filled look he gave me when he pulled back was almost enough to make me throw caution to the wind and just trust that this was what we both wanted, but I had to make sure. “Are you positive this is what you want? If we do this and you change your mind it might kill me,” I informed him, twinning our fingers together.

“I have tried to fight this for a very long time and I can’t do it anymore. I love you, Marco Reus, and I want to be with you in every way possible,” Erik told me, bringing our entwined hands up to his mouth and kissing my knuckles.

“I have dreamed so many times that you would say those words to me and now that you have, saying them back seems so inadequate, but I love you too Erik,” I informed him.

The brightness of his answering smile was almost blinding, but when he leaned in to kiss me again, I savored the feeling of it under my lips. This time when his hands moved to the fastening on my pants I let Erik remove them.

As far as first times go it was slow and sweet. Filled with long lingering kisses, careful brushing of hands across exposed parts, intimate and mundane alike, declarations of love mixing with the usual moans and grunts. The pace was almost languid at first, both of us reveling in doing something we have wanted to do for so long, for what would surely be the first of many times. By the end it was frantic and Erik was deep inside of me when I came, stuttering out a few more pumps before following me over the edge. After a couple of seconds recovery, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply before leaning over to the bedside table and handed me a tissue for clean-up before grabbing one for himself.

Once we were clean, we crawled under the covers together and drifted off to sleep, limbs entwined.

The next morning, I rolled over and was a little bit surprised to see the other side of the bed empty, save for a note on the pillow. None of the words on the page made sense to me at all except for the last sentence, which summed up the note very well. I put the note down as the tears started to well up and spilled over, that sentence running through my head again and again.

_I was wrong, I can’t do this, I’m sorry. –Erik_

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So this was my first Durmeus, let me know what you think. I know I have been a little angsty lately, but I am hoping to turn that around soon, this is what was requested. And if you want to request a fic of your own, you can let me know that too!


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